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Let me Audit Your Test Suite

Background #

Yesterday (Wednesday, May 12th) I was talking with a very experienced engineer about their test harness, and how (un)happy they were with how long it took the test harness to run.

He suggested I just ask Twitter for their applications, get practice on a lot of different applications. It is a brilliant suggestion. And thus this page was born.

I’m a bit of an obsessive about how long it takes to run tests.

Slow tests have such a cost to you, your team, and your company.

I’ve been on teams where the tests take 30 seconds, and I’ve been on teams where the tests take 45 minutes.

I’m not going to engage in shaming anyone for having a slow test suite. I’d like to simply teach them how to profile/benchmark their own tests, and then make some tactical, selective fixes, and immediately get faster tests!

Just want to get my Speed Up Your Tests guide when it’s done? Drop your email below 👇

What you’ll get #

Because I’d like to get exposure to many different test suites on different applications, and get practice with profiling them and making the them faster, I’d like to do this on your application!

Critically, however, I might not be able to make your tests faster, but I’ll certainly try, and I’ll give you great starting points that your team can continue to work on.

If your tests take 45 minutes, I don’t know that they’ll ever take just one minute, but think of how nice it would be to cut that time in half.

If your tests take 5 minutes, how nice would it be if they took just 2.5 minutes?

I’d like to help you, and get some practice doing this on a wide variety of applications, so I can build a guide to help other engineers figure this all out for themselves!

So, hit the “buy now” button to book an audit. Once payment is complete, I’ll reach out via email, and we’ll get things going!

I can’t wait to get started!

Purchase Now #

Enterprise Option #

If you want to just buy my time to solve this problem for your organization, I’m happy to do so. We’ll need to talk about it more, so book a roadmapping call ($150) below:

Roadmapping call: ($150)


This seems too good to be true. $1000 for faster tests? #

Well, it really could be too good to be true. I’m looking for about five of these, at which point I’ll disable to purchase button, and then work on just those 5 apps, then I’ll write part 1 of the guide, and iterate for round 2.

What makes for a “good fit” for this service? #

  • Your tests are in Ruby/Rails If you’ve got a slow Elixir test suite, or whatever, that’s not what I’m here to fix. So, I’d like to work on just Ruby and/or Rails test harnesses.
  • The repository is public or you can add me to the repository while I’m working on your tests. If you’ve got a really complicated NDA process, or the words “Would Legal approve of this?” have crossed your mind, it’s probably not a good fit.
  • You’re willing to talk with me about it a bit I might have some questions, and might open up a GitHub issue, or DM you in Slack Twitter Discord whatever
  • You’re not obsessing too much about this If you’re really nervous about parting with your money and helping me with this experiment, maybe it’s not a good fit right now. Once I’ve iterated on this a few times, it’ll be a much more robust service/offering, and then we should talk! Punch your email in below, and you’ll get updates as I go!

What if you don’t make my tests go faster? #

I’ll give you you’re money back!

$1000? Isn’t that a little cheap? #

It is! I don’t quite want to do this for free, but I want to get a lot of exposure to this problem, across different organizations/applications, to see what patterns emerge. I’m doing investing this time, rather than trying to make a lot of money off this. (Though, as I build skills and practice, I’ll keep offering this service, at a dramatically increased cost.)

$1000? Isn’t that a little expensive? #

The average gainfully employed software developer costs the company in the ballpark of $1k/workday. Buying this service at such a low cost is the kind of thing that will get you accolades at work by the people who run the place.

If you’re not sure you’ll get celebrated for hiring me, shoot me a note and I’ll help you figure out how to come out of this looking like a hero!

Tl;Dr; I’m basically giving this service away.

I’ve got a super slow test suite, and I’d love for you to guaranteed that it’ll be a lot faster when you’re done #

I cannot guarantee it, but I can promise that you (and I!) will learn a lot through the process.

I want this to happen quickly, and I’m willing to pay the going rate for this kind of thing #

Great! I’ll plan on committing a full week, minimum. Let’s set up a quick call to discuss timing, as I don’t currently have time to work full-time on a client project. I don’t bill by the hour (or the day) but we’d be looking at something north of $4,000.

Book that roadmapping call here: ($150)

Can I get that guide you’re going to write when it’s done? #


Drop your email below, and I’ll notify you when this project is done!

(Or you can follow me on Twitter, or sponsor me on GitHub for between $1 and infinite dollars per month.)

I’ve got more questions. What to do? #

Leave a comment below. Hit me up on twitter. Email me at You know the drill.